Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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