I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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