1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
