Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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