dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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