'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
