So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
