My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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