ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize