the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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