Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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