I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
