I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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