If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
