If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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