I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i've created a new STD.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
