peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
