I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
