I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
