You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
