Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
