To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
