last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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