; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
