Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize