Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
