Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
