Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
