Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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