Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
