I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
