maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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