just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize