One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
