Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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