Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
