The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
