Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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