So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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