I'm really into asian looking animals
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you win again, gameday.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
40s are totally the cure
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
