You made me cry and you don't even care
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
