Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize