dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
