I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
