yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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