Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
