i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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