he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
