So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
