Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
