if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I love you.
Bad choice
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
