pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
