Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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