It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize