i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
