How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize