you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
