he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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