Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
