so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
