Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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