You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
