dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
