Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
