I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
