Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if only i could text you this smell
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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