I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
