i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
