I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We talked him into tasing himself.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
