wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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